What Would You Do?

…. If you woke up in your bedroom to find three alien beings quietly observing you? 

Well, we asked some people what they would do, and these are a couple of the answers: –

“I would remain composed and attempt non-threatening gestures to  signal curiosity rather than fear. Assessing their body language and any signs of communication, I might try basic forms of communication, such as gestures or expressions, to convey a peaceful intent.”

“If the aliens appeared technologically advanced, I might try to use any accessible devices in the vicinity to establish communication. Mobile phone, etc. Understanding their motives, whether curiosity or potential contact or war, would be crucial.”

“&%@* off with your stupid questions will you!”

So, after an absorbing minute collating the thoughts of ‘friends’, I decided to throw some brain time at it myself, and possibly this is how it would go.

Alien 1:           Utters incomprehensible sounds and points towards a strange device.

Me:                 “What the…. Who…… Why are you in my bedroom?  I definitely don’t understand your language, but I’m open to communication. Can you understand me?” 

Alien 2:           Uses a holographic display to show images of what I assume is their home planet. 

Me:                 “Wow! Your planet looks unlike anything I’ve seen. I’m from earth, obviously!  Why are you here?”

Alien 3:           Makes intricate hand movements.

Me:                 “Ah, a form of sign language? Interesting! Can you teach me? It might help us communicate better.”

As the conversation progresses, we exchange information about our respective worlds, cultures, and technologies. I try to convey the basics of Earth’s history, biology, and human society. They share insights into their advanced technology, exploration motives, and possibly the reason for their visit to Earth.

The goal is to establish a mutual understanding and facilitate a peaceful exchange of knowledge, fostering cooperation rather than fear. 

Ha, who am I kidding? Anyway, maybe I’m jumping forward too far. Let’s back up a bit….. 

I awake and as I open my eyes I can see a strange looking creature staring at me with its big black, shiny eyes. Before I can scream, I notice another next to him, and another just a little way off, in the corner of the room, above the door and my top shelf. As one, they each move a tentacled arm up towards their ‘head’ and release a shhhhhhh noise at me. It shushes me immediately. Obviously! I can feel the warm embrace of piss on my legs. Which is actually nice, as my whole body has gone cold. And won’t move. The beings start towards me, it looks like they are flying, but I can see that each has long, thin, leg-like appendages below them, and these move them silently across the room, until all three are above me, looking down at me. 

I definitely scream this time.

But soon stop, as I can feel something dark, large and terrifying pushing into my mind. It is a group of letters, tumbling and then bundling together to make a word. 

“S T O P”

I know this one! So, I stop. 

I think I may be crying now, my eyes are very blurry, but to be honest, I can’t tell if it is tears, or the massive letters just getting in the way in my head. I can hear jibber jabber and gurgling noises in my ears, but quickly realise it is just my own mouth, jibber jabbering and spluttering away. Pathetic, I think. But continue anyway.

I’m sweating. Really sweating. I can feel it beading on my forehead, and maybe that’s what the blurriness in my eyes is. The aroma of urine hits my nose, and I look down, back up and utter my first sentient word..

“Sorry!”

They seem to understand and the letters in my head pop and are replaced by new ones. Smaller. Happy letters. Like letters made out of balloons by a clown. They jig around and form a row I can understand.

“F R I E N D S” then are replaced quickly by

“NOT HURT” then

“PROBABLY”

When I start to scream again, the creatures throw back their heads, look at each other and the next words appear in my mind.

“JOKE”

“NOT HURT YOU”

Great I think – intergalactic fucking jokesters. 

“HA HA HA”

“WE NEED YOUR HELP”

“WILL YOU HELP”

A void hit my mind so fast that I reel backwards from the vast nothing I can see. Shit! No further letters come, and I decide that they are awaiting my reply. So, I make them wait a bit longer. I think my mouth has now dried up a bit, and as I try to get a bit of spit so I can speak, I look at them all, in turn. My initial response of screaming “Fuck off” as loud as possible is nearly on my tongue, but I manage to bite it back and say these, now famous, words…. 

“………………”

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