Okay, so I changed my mind…

In 1947, three UFOs crashed in Roswell, New Mexico. The Military recovered… erm.. one saucer-shaped craft and the bodies of three dead alien life forms and took them… somewhere or other and performed top top secret autopsies on them. The military used Russian Civilian Gasmasks which were not available til the ’70s,  and tools widely available in B and Q to perform these autopsies, which took place in a tent, lab and I’m pretty certain a train carriage too (cos the X Files is actually a hard-hitting reality TV series.) This whole operation was secretly filmed, using processes only available from the ’80s onwards, and then leaked to coincide with the release of several popular UFO related films.

Even though this footage was of national importance (and top top-secret), the government allowed it to circulate via websites such as you tube – even though there have been witness report substantiated incidents of people disappearing for lesser crimes, and nobody circulating this footage had the permission of the copyright owners (presumably the US Military).

The documents recently released by the FBI, which have been doing the rounds since the ’90s are actually false, possibly planted by the illuminati, or maybe the Nazis that all went into space at the end of the second world war, and who now live on the moon, which is why the moon landings were faked also, and filmed at the Disney studios. We know the moon landings were faked because nobody mentioned seeing anyone in a German Military uniform up there, and because several people write about these things on the internet, so it must be true, and anyway its impossible to travel through that bit with all the space debris and radiation (unless you are an inhabitant of a UFO.)

The moon is also not a moon, but a hollow spaceship which is docked in Earth’s orbit so that it can refuel by absorbing energy from the Sun (the star, not the newspaper), which won’t take much longer cos the Sun keeps having massive flares (which ‘They’ don’t tell us about, but which are capable of knocking out communications and.. well, pretty much all life on Earth. We don’t notice these effects, we just blame our internet providers for the connection being slow on the REALLY bad days)

Several members of the British Monarchy are actually aliens. Reptilians to be exact, that perhaps surprisingly follow the Earthly religion of  Satan worship, and are known, like many other famous figures who David Icke appears to dislike, to perform human sacrifices for all occasions.

There are no such thing as ghosts. Ghosts as we conceive them are not discarnate souls, but actually demons, and anyone who claims to investigate these or any other ‘paranormal phenomena’ are actually in league with Satan, the Queen and possibly any Illuminati, Freemasonry or Boy Scout groups – these people can’t be trusted because they have always controlled the running of the world, and they all work for HAARP.

For those that don’t know, HAARP is actually an interstellar weapon, capable of causing Earthquakes, mass animal deaths, Wars and lots of other irksome things like your favorite football team losing and male pattern baldness. HAARP has obviously been around for millions of years, which means it’s probably Ancient Astronaut technology – like the pyramids, Nazca Lines, Stonehenge and Simon Cowells teeth..

Talking of  Simon Cowell – Simon Cowell is definitely in league with Dark Forces, as proven by his unleashing on the world of  Jedward. Jedward, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Eminem and Rhianna -anna-anna are all immortal, and probably some kind of alien / human hybrid, we know this because they are Illuminati puppets, and the Illuminati were disbanded in 1780 or thereabouts by the Church.

The Church are actually a secret society of superheroes, with special superpowers who are capable of eradicating the powers of darkness from the world, but haven’t actually done it yet because we haven’t prayed hard enough, and they need to leech the combined psychic focus of every inhabitant of the world to perform their supernormal task – but don’t run off and pray just yet, you have to wait for a sign..

The sign is likely to be a light from the sky which will herald the second coming of Christ, even though he is reliably documented to have died and ghosts don’t exist cos they are all demons… ahem.. anyway, this light from the sky was Halley’s Comet, Hale Bopp and now Comet Elenin, which are three separate comets, by the way…

Comet Elenin is not really a comet. It’s actually a brown dwarf and Niburu and doesn’t really exist because nobody has posted a picture of its recent whereabouts on the internet. However, it’s going to hit the earth causing mass extinction as prophesied by the Mayans, who actually retracted their end of days prophecy but that bit was a joke really. The bloke who discovered Comet Elenin doesn’t really put updates on his website cos he doesn’t exist either, which probably annoys him as much as folk saying the Comet he discovered and has seen, isn’t really real. The clue to why  Comet Elenin is a ‘global Killer’ (like in Armageddon) lay in clever wordplay developed by ‘them’ – Leonid Elenin (the bloke who didn’t discover it cos he doesn’t exist) read backwards is (nearly) nine eleven – which makes it a conspiracy theory. Obviously. Also the LEO bit of LEOnid refers to the constellation where the comet that isn’t a comet originated, even though we know where Leo is and can’t see the actual comet, and ELE stands for Exterminating Life Event or some such – I can’t remember exactly cos I haven’t seen Deep Impact in years, and that also was a documentary, not a film.

But don’t panic just because the worlds going to end when its hit by a comet that doesn’t exist – you can save yourself by buying any number of books, DVDs or attending lectures on ‘How to Survive the End Of The World’, or by donating what’s left of your hard-earned (after the corrupt government have had their share) in some other way to the people who know all about how to survive total destruction and global extinction cos the Messiah told them how to do it.

I  know all of this to be fact, cos I read it on the internet.

Thank You – I’ll be here all week 🙂